D's dirty little cum slut

name

2008-07-03T15:17:39Z

i went ahead and picked a name so that i could get started on my new journal. My new name is good_littlegirl</div>.

the inevitable is what happened

2008-07-02T21:02:53Z

Well when you play w/ fire you know that you will get burned. i decided to play and take the consequences, but at this point we both agree that it is not best for me. i love D more than ever. i can't help but feeling like i have failed Him because i am not willing to endure this. i guess maybe i did. D is married; i gave myself to Him and He took very good care of me. i feel guilty; i felt bad for His wife. i felt like i was violating the "woman code." i am tired of feeling so lonely. i am tired of crying myself to sleep every night. i think i deserve more out of this life than to spend most of my special happy moments wishing He was there to share them with. i don't want to spend every birthday, Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, Easter, Arbor Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, ect in misery. i have some deep abandonment issues and probably some setting myself up for failure tendancies. i feel like noone in my life so far has picked me. My mother wasn't able to due to her mental illness;my father was just young and didn't really have the resources;the lady that i came to live w/ after that showed no sort of love or affection although she has been very good to me and taught me a lot; i had random bad boyfriends which really isn't a big deal; i was engaged to a man who played a computer game all of the time i think at one point he didn't even speak to me for a couple of years; then i thought i was in love again, got knocked up and he hauled ass and hasn't looked back ( i do have a beautiful daughter though); i dated a best friend who was married he convinced me of his so called love, i found him a job closer to me making more money than he made at his then current job, he told his wife that he as in love w/ me and wanted a divorce and then decided not to leave. i married the next man that came along he was an alcoholic who like to constantly belittle me and refused to work after we got married, that one even tried to kill me. i do have another beautiful daughter as a result though and i had the pleasure of being a part of my step daughter's life for a while. Then i met Sir and i need to stop before i have to feel that feeling again i am not sure if i can survive another one. i just want someone to love me. i think that is why the D/s 24/7 lifestyle is so appealing to me. i guess i just need suck it up and drive on. i just want it so bad. i want to be His girl and i want to be in my place all of the time. i want to feel that connection and not have to feel alone or abandoned just loved and challenged. FUCK FUCK FUCK. You only have one life do what you need to do to make it the best you can. ALL OF MY LOVE AND DEVOTION TO YOU SIR!!!! Sometimes the challenges life presents seem overwhelming but in the end they are best. Sry no time to proof read the work is piling up on my desk as we speak.

always

2008-07-02T17:28:11Z

i will always belong to D and i will always be His girl in my heart!! i still have hopes for one day, but today is an entirely different story.

The END

2008-07-01T19:33:18Z

So this chapter is over and I would like to start a new lj account Does anyone have any suggestions for names. I was thinking about sub_stain. I don't really love it though. After i created my last account i didn't care for the name so i want to get one i love this time around. Hmmm i bet all the good girl ones are taken. Any suggestions?

monotone

2008-06-16T18:04:07Z

i am in a classroom. They have forced us to take an excel class. This man is is reading straigh from the book in monotone. The monitors of our computers are down in the desks and we all know how to use excel so... i believe we are all online. My friend

jsingleton315 seated to my left just created her own lj account hehehe.

august_baby27

How freakin embarrasing

2008-05-23T13:16:27Z

My cheeks are burning; I am beyond embarrassed. I can't believe that Sir made me post that so that everyone could see. I can't even look at Him. Well, I guess Sir has been a little lenient with me lately. I'm starting to think these times of leniency serve a very good purpose. I believe that when He is lenient with me it allows Him to take a look in my head and figure out my current most dreaded form of punishment. I deserve it and I am grateful for it I am just so embarrassed.

honesty

2008-05-15T18:10:00Z

One of the things I like the most about my new lifestyle is the level of communication. Most of my coworkers are men and have been for the past nine years. I hear a lot of the male point of view, and it would probably surprise a lot of people to know my submissive views on certain topics considering that I am a female in the military. Anyway, a long time ago a gentleman I worked with was bragging about his "fishing trips." He said that he would tell his wife that he was going fishing for the weekend and after he spent the entire weekend womanizing, drinking, and gambling he would stop off at a local fish market and either purchase some fish or just make sure that he smelled like fish. WTF? Now I'm sure it could have been jock talk, but that disgusts me. Part of what I feel is right and what I want from my relationship is brutal honesty. I want to be a sweet release for my Sir, but I would not be able to do so if he felt he had to lie to me. There is no reason to lie; I despise liars. I would much rather the opportunity to prove my self by accepting whatever truth there is as oppose to being lied to. My very first punishment when I came to live w/ my aunt at the age of six was for lying. She made it very clear that that was not acceptable and I learned my lesson well. Of course I lie on occasion, but I appreciate honesty. I don't agree w/ what I have done, but I will deal w/ my own consequences this is my life. Anyway (damn tangents), I can and will accept anything Sir comes at me w/ honestly even if it is something I don't think I will enjoy (DUH). I know that is a giant part of D/s, but I am just trying to put into words how much I appreciate it and why. For example, if I called my best friend and desperately needed her advice about a problem and she said I'm sleeping bye! I may not care for her reaction, but to be close enough to her for her to be able to be honest w/ me instead of making herself miserable for me is amazing. Honesty is beautiful and I feel privileged in today's society to hear any truth from someone's lips.

ranting and raving

2008-05-01T18:58:46Z

I am flabbergasted. First of all I am a recovering hypochondriac, not really but I get really psyched up about anything that could possibly be wrong w/ me. I am so thankful for the Internet because I can generally calm my worrying by reading an easy to find list of symptoms. In October of last year while at the park w/ the girls I scratched my elbow on this climbing wall after a while my whole arm became gigantic and bright red. It took a long time to finally get rid of the staph and later I developed what is commonly referred to as scarlet fever (I think that is what they said). Anyway it involved my whole chest turning red accompanied by strep throat. The scarlet fever thing is in the same family as staph somehow again I know this thanks to google. That was taken care of w/ a nice shot in the ass which I had a generalized allergic reaction to. My whole point in this pointless medical history is that I didn't want to take any chances w/ staph. I began looking up some info after I sent you the last email and there were all these posts from whining women just like me that said it started under my arm some said they thought it was an ingrown hair and anyway the next thing that happened to these women was a breakout of giant bumps down their spine. YUCK!!! Anyway this prompted me to wake up Lilli (15 month old) and grab Kenzie (4 yr old) and go to the doctor immediately. I just got back. The only reason that we now have MRSA (antibiotic resistant staph) is because people built up an immunity to the current antibiotics due to the doctors over prescribing them and the inability of idiots to finish their medicine . So what I don't understand is now that they know how to treat it why in the hell don't they test for it before they just hand you a list of prescriptions? I am hoping that maybe I have not read enough about this to be correct in my observation which I commonly do, but it just seems like they would want to test for something before they hand out drugs that someone that may not need them. I guess the lunches from the pharmaceutical reps and the job security for future scientists seem like the best option to them. Why don't they just start an online medical school for general practitioners; click here for your medical license.

63,360 inches - Just Because :)

2008-04-28T17:10:01Z

If you give me an inch, I'll take a mile. If you give me an inch and spank me w/ the ruler because you already know what I am thinking, I will be happy beyond any measure ;).

mindless babble for the day

2008-04-23T18:42:51Z

I was doing some reading today and came across a sort of cat fight here on LJ. It's is amusing to me how some people discover something about themselves, something that works for them and then they think that everyone else with similar interests should apply their new found knowledge to their own lives. HMM or do they? That made me think more about communication and how we prefer to do it. It's my observation that one of the preferred methods of communicating something we are passionate about is to do so as sort of a bitch session. Is it possible that we do this to show our passion about something by attacking the opposing view? The same passion would still be in our hearts, our heads, our souls (ha if we still have one Sir lost his in a poker game), even if we merely stated how we felt about it. Could we provide enough details and positive thoughts on the subject to show how we felt about it if we didn't attack, didn't fight for it? Fighting for something that has a prize would be a worthwhile fight. Attacking something that we don't believe in is NOT to sway a reader or to actually change the opposing view it is to do the most wonderful thing of all, communicate. We fight for what we believe to try and put into words that warmness in our chests, the lump in our throat, the way we are feeling. Some of the happiest times in life were when l was able to put a feeling into words.

No more Vanilla crap; teach me how to please you

2008-04-16T15:32:00Z

I met him at work. I didn't like him, but there was something about him that drew my interest. He sometimes told these over the top stories that I found obnoxious, but I still listened:). He made me feel good. His writing scared me, but it made me all the more interested. He saw me, he somehow looked inside me from the very beginning and told me things about myself that I didn't know anyone else could ever see. I wanted him!! I knew better, but I decided to go for it; I knew that the end result could not be good, but I expected that it would be worth the experience. He almost did everything just right. He slowly introduced me to something I initially thought was not for me. He already knew it was for me, but he didn't push it on me. He planted a seed and began to grow something amazing. I want to be his good girl, I want him to take care of me, but how can he take care of me if I can't give myself to him? How can I give myself to someone who can't be trusted. He was my obsession, ok he still is, but only for now. D gave me some of the strongest emotions I have ever felt. I want to feel them forever. He doesn't like the word master; I don't like it either. I think I have been searching for this my whole life. This is instinct for me I have to do this. I want to have those feelings I've never felt anything so strong in my life. I've never wanted and craved anything so much in my life; I've never felt so happy or fulfilled. I feel cheated I had to cut myself off before I got to experience how wonderful it could be. Maybe I am just fighting the unfamillar. No. I'm not. I can't have someone that isn't mine to have. I want it soo much. HUH. Crazy i guess, right? Anyway, I am on a quest for information. I want someone to teach me; I want D to teach me. I bet I would be even happier if someone else could teach me. GRRRRR. There is no point in my continuing the mindless typing. I'm lost, I'm confused today.

I am so happy

2008-04-15T21:25:38Z

I am so full of love, and happiness, and confusion, and wanting, and I am really really happy. I don't really know what to expect and I am glad that I am just writing this for us. I am so excited about this D. I do think this is what I have always needed,You are. I don't know what I am in store for or how far it will affect my life, but I know that it will never be the same. I must always have this,you. I don't really have much time and I can't think about anything except for wanting some sort of interaction with you. I think you are so amazing you are going to actually take care of me noone has ever taken care of me before. Well many have tried;i don't think anyone could have. Noone has paid enough attention to me to already know what I need. I think a few times when it was overly obvious my aunt or someone I was with may have suggested one or two things, but this feeling. You make me the happiest. Ahh there you are. Yes I am doing what you told me to do my love. ah bell bit ;)